The Kojak Card

This is the Kojak card. It originally came as a trading card in a pack of gum, probably between 1973-1978, which would make me and Aunt Carrie between 7-14 years old at that time. As you can tell, the card has seen a lot of action at the hands of kids, most notably Aunt Carrie and myself. Hidden and at times fought over, it was a very important part of our preteen years.

"Kojak" was a television crime drama series in the '70s  featuring Theo Kojak, a New York City detective played by actor Telly Savales. The tootsie pop sucking Kojak became a pop icon when he popularized the phrase, "Who loves ya, baby?" Women found his Greek looks sexy, but my friends and and I were a little young for that. We were just starting to experience hormones and bras of our own for the first time.

We were, however, old enough to be interested in boyfriends, whatever that meant. Our Barbie dolls were all dating the neighbor boys' GI Joes,  but the guys were always off to war so they didn't have to play with us. Rather than play together, the boys would load a toy jeep with their GI Joe dolls and push it down the street until it hit a curb and spewed all the soldiers all over the lawn. They would do this over and over again. Should have taught us something about boys, but it didn't.

So we fantasized about boyfriends of our own to marry us and fly us somewhere exotic in our Barbie airplanes.  And we dreamed big! Bobby Sherman, Donny Osmond, and Michael Jackson were favorite boyfriend choices of ours because Tiger Beat Magazine was always writing stories about these guys. We knew all of our idol's favorite colors, their favorite foods and what turned them on...we didn't exactly understand what that meant, but we knew that these guys would be great boyfriends and husbands. We knew that they would rather play dolls with us than blow up jeeps. Nevertheless, our boyfriend choices would change on a daily basis, sometimes depending on new Tiger Beat stories, and sometimes depending on whatever it is that that floats through the minds of preteen girls. 

And that's where the Kojak card becomes important. Because whomever held the Kojak card got to be the first person to pick their boyfriend. It didn't matter if someone else like Chad Everett more than you did, if you had the card, you had first dibs. You could be Mrs. Randy Mantooth for the day. And you could change your mind as often as you wanted to. You had the Kojak card. I don't know how this started, but we took it pretty seriously back in the day.

So I was quite surprised to receive the Kojak card in the mail from Aunt Carrie the other day. It seems that she is happy with her life with Uncle Larry and doesn't intend on trading him in for Leif Garrett.

I am also quite happy in my relationship with Uncle Fred. But, in the event that Uncle Fred would rather crash his jeep than play with me, I am now free to pursue a relationship with David Cassidy. Maybe I'll finally get my dream house. And a pony.

This Is All Their Fault

My parents, Jack and Gloria Tolley, were truly a love at first sight relationship. Growing up across the street from each other in the 1950's, my dad says he first noticed my mom in a little polka dotted dress taking pictures in front of her house. And he wanted that girl.

As my father was, how you say, a little "rough," my mom's parents were concerned. My dad was the stereotypical greaser teenager of the 50's, complete with leather jacket, cigarettes and attitude. Dad later admitted that he used a switchblade to threaten any other men wanting to date my mom. That's how he rolled.

But Grandpa Maza was soft on my father's charms, probably because he himself had some adventures under his belt. Most notably, Grandpa Maza once got caught breaking into a church and playing "Hold That Tiger" on the church organ. That's how he rolled.

So, under the watchful eye of the Dragon Lady, as my dad fondly called Grandma Maza, my parents dated throughout their high school years. 

My dad turned out okay, and he is the first one to give credit to that girl in the polka dotted dress. After getting married, my father became a Chicago Police officer, eventually retiring from the boys in blue as a lieutenant. He also went on to get his Bachelors degree in his spare time (ha! sparetime!) if my dad wasn't working a second job over the weekend, it was quite common to find him listening to a football game on the radio and watching another one  on tv while reading a textbook. I believe that he was the original inventor of multitasking but was too busy to notice.

And while dad was arresting Martin Luther King Jr. and breaking up the riots of the Chicago Democratic convention, that cute gal in the polka dotted dress was busy putting creativity and magic in our lives. My mom is like those kids decorating the Charlie Brown Christmas tree - she can make something fabulous out of nothing. And at a moments notice, too! Mom was an expert at last minute patron saints costumes, school banquets and third grade art projects.  Many a St. Nicks student remembers her fondly with origami and fingerprint mice.

Mom is an accomplished artist and nurse, but her real talent is finding bargains. She kept our family going by being able to combine discontinued products and coupons with generic food. In fact, the term "To Pull a Gloria," means to get an even better deal than you had set out to get in the first place. Senior discount day, an in-store special,  and paying with credit card points is a triple-play-hat-trick in the game of saving money. And mom is the best.

While not a big as the Ringling Brothers, these crazy kids from the South side  raised their own little circus. Much like the professionals, there were always several acrobatic acts being performed simultaneously, some even death defying. (at times there were broken bones and broken windows.) Juggling bills and after school activities, they walked that tightrope between what we wanted and what we needed. Surrounded by an assortment of animals, you could always find a clown or two sitting around watching tv or playing Pong on the tv. 

And sometimes there was fire.

And more often than not, a great story came out of everyday adventures.

Prom

Prom has been a big deal for girls since time immemorial. The fancy dresses, the flowers, maybe a little champagne? This was a magical time for us, our first foray into adulthood that didn't involve school uniforms, and we were all princesses.

Prom season was extra special when you went to an all girls school. It involved something so alien to our little lives that we had to have a special  assembly  just to address this issue. Prom meant Boys. Charming boys. Boys in suits. Boys that weren't your brother or your cousin. Boys that you would remember for the rest of your life whenever you thought about prom night. 

Among other things, the nuns told us that boys were filthy animals who were out to take advantage of our morals. We were not advised to encourage them in any way, and the nuns promised to place flowers in any low cut bodice that they encountered at the dance. I swear I can remember the nuns also telling us that we should avoid going out to dinner with our dates after prom because white tablecloths reminded boys of bed sheets. Or maybe it was white dresses that reminded the boys of going to bed. I believe we were told that everything reminded the boys of bed.

But no matter. Nothing could stop our night of all nights. We had been dreaming of this night since we played with Barbies, since we first skated couples only at the roller rink, since we started reading TigerBeat magazine.

Details, details, details! 

Hair, makeup, matching accessories, jewelry, nails, purses, garter belts...

Plans, plans plans! 

Are we double dating? Getting a limo? Getting liquor? 

So many choices!

As the night of the dance approached, many people had advice for after prom activities. Some people suggested a late night boat ride. Others thought it would be fun to get a hotel room (I guess you weren't a whore unless you went out to a restaurant  with tablecloths first), other people thought it was a good idea to go home early since there was a class picnic the next day.

Sister Henrietta thought it would be nice to go to the planetarium after prom. Now why she thought this, I'll never know. But she shared her 80 year old nun thoughts with either her English IV or Great Books classe (I had both). We thought it was funny because "going to the planetarium" was a euphemism for making out with your boyfriend. Maybe she knew what that meant and was just trying to be hip. Maybe that's where she went after her prom in 1910. Anyways, we all smiled and thanked her for the advice.

What a weekend! Big dance, romance, picnics and plans. We could hardly wait to get to school on Monday to exchange notes. (It would still be another week till our pictures were developed at Walgreens and another 30 years till we could twitter, tweet or twat about that night.)

Sister Henrietta was just as excited to find out how prom night went for all of us. She opened our Monday class by asking each of us what we ended up doing after prom. 

The first girl she asked quickly responded that she went to the planetarium. So did the second and third. It quickly became apparent that the entire class was lying through their teeth or that every one of them had gone to the planetarium. Until Sister Henrietta asked me what I had done.

"Well, sister," I answered. "After prom, my boyfriend and I went back to his place and tried out those souvenir prom glasses with a bottle of wine. Then we made out for awhile before we met some friends for a party.

Sister was silent, as was the rest of the class. I remember everyone looking at me with big eyes, waiting for sister to respond.

She paced slowly in front of the room, silently looking at the floor.

The palpable silence was broken when she looked at me and said, "Now Laura, what did you Really do after prom?"

To everyone's relief,  I answered, 

"I went to the planetarium." 

I hope everyone enjoys their prom, however you choose to remember the night.